Jesus Calling

That is the name of the devotional that my boss gave all of us Young Life staffer's for Christmas this year. I spoke about it in my last entry. Upon receiving it, a lot of us were thinking, "oh great, just what we need...another devotional." That is meant to sound ungrateful, I am so grateful, but working in a Christian non-profit company, this is the most common gift you are given....and you have a book shelf FULL of them. YET, this devotional is LIKE NO OTHER. I opened it on a day this past December, in which I was feeling VERY attacked and wanting to throw in the towel with not only Young Life but living in the Northwest. The entire devotional is written from the perspective of Jesus speaking directly to us...a love letter. The entry for that day said this:
"Don't be surprised by the fiery attacks on your mind.When you struggle to find Me and to live in My Peace, don't let discouragement set in. You are engaged in a massive warfare, spiritually speaking. The evil one abhors your closeness to Me, and his demonic underlings are determined to destroy our intimacy. When you find yourself in the thick of battle call upon My Name, "Jesus, help me!" At that instant, the battle becomes Mine; your role is simply to trust Me as I fight for you."

I could sense God's presence in that moment telling me to "LET GO!" Surrender is a word thrown around a lot in Christian culture but I have come to find that it is something many of us have no clue how to do. Surrender, in my opinion, is the emptying of ourselves to the point that we have nothing left to give or hold on to. It is almost of state of complete desperation sometimes. Surrender in that season of life was me crying out to God with tears flowing constantly, everyday for 3 weeks. It was the moments of saying I can't hold on tight to this anymore and literally giving up. That is the moment this devotional was referring to. "JESUS, HELP ME!" moment. It was hard to utter those words because I thought I had the ability to fix everything....but I didn't. I felt in those days, the battle becoming not mine. Literally. Every morning I woke up knowing God was working...something I had not felt in a long time.

I have had a lot of conversations lately with dear friends and Young Life girls about this very topic...surrender. They spill their hearts to me about what they are feeling anxious about or where in their life they don't feel like God is at work. I know exactly what they are feeling, yet I also know what they are not doing....surrendering. It's like God is moving forward in all of these area's of their lives, area's that they have cried out to God about for years, area's where they feel healing will never come, area's where they feel God has placed a vision in their hearts and they long to see it come to fruition....all of these area's God is surpassing their expectations and victory and freedom have happened, yet their lens is on foggy. Because they are so consumed with what they are pleading to God for, they are missing out on what he has already done in the other places of their life. They are missing out on the very proof that HE IS SURE to come to our rescue and give his kids GREAT gifts.

Our lens is on our present suffering. If we would only surrender and move the lens to what he has already done, we would see victory in that area. It's like a kid wanting a chocolate bar but not realizing he is in a candy store and there is a ton of candy all around him. God is at work on our behalf but he wants us to let go of whatever is making our knuckles turn white, so that he can move in that area.

Maybe that area is God bringing you a wife or husband. Maybe that area is the vision you feel he has given you for your future career but you are stuck at a coffee shop working. Maybe that area is wanting to be healed from your past. The list continues....

But, have you surrendered it? I am not talking about saying "I surrender this" but I am talking about literally getting on your knee's and emptying yourself. I know from the past months and really the entire life I have lived that I have filled with requests to God, that it is really hard to hear God or see him work with you have ear plugs in and a blind-fold on.

I am telling you friends, he is GOOD. He works on our behalf constantly. I have had a REALLY crappy week, yet I have seen the evidence of him being at work on my behalf without any contribution from me. He wants to bless you, but you got to give him all your cares and concerns, anxious thoughts and past mistakes, and empty them at his feet.

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31

What a promise we have! I am thankful to know we serve a God who LOVE us enough to put up with our ridiculous doubting and bratty ways. Sometimes I wonder how much God is laughing at how oblivious I can be to what he has ALREADY done.

Just know, YOU are not alone and I am right there with you. It's a process...but I am learning that surrender is oh so sweet to our precious Lord!