Disciple of Christ

Disciple of Christ. What does it mean to be one of these?


Well, let me start from what it is not. It is not working in ministry. It is not volunteering at a homeless shelter. It is not going to church. These are all great things but they are not by definition a disciple of Christ.


This summer, I thought a lot about what it means to be a disciple of Christ and realized I defined it in my life by "doing." So if I wasn't "doing" then I was not a disciple of Christ. CRAP. On top of a busy schedule, I need to DO something in order be considered one of these? I give up.


Good news. It is NOT doing.


In greek, disciple is maqhthv" (matheˉteˉs) which refers generally to any “student,” “pupil,” “apprentice,” or “adherent,” as opposed to a “teacher.” Now hang with me on this one. When does a student get up in the middle of class and start teaching the other classmates multiplication when he has never done it himself? NEVER. That's impossible! But, that student sits under the teaching of that teacher, learns multiplication backwards and forwards. Then, that student could start helping their peers with multiplication. Pretty soon this student is now tutoring other students. So a disciple learns first, then acts second, spreading the knowledge of what they learned.


Let's look at an example from the bible. Luke 10:38-42
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. ³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

   ⁴¹ “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one.^[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I love Martha in this. I have been Martha so many times. She is (excuse the language) PISSED at her sister for being seemingly "lazy." Oh the times I have felt that way towards others in my life. I can't stand sitting still and can't stand people who sit still....Yet, what did Jesus say. "You are worried and upset over many things, but few are needed." In other words..."girl, chill out and quit trying to DO without me teaching you HOW to, first. REST." We do not like to rest. We feel lazy, apathetic and useless if we are not doing. YET, Jesus (remember him, the one we are supposed to be like) was telling Martha to sit at his feet, with her sister, and LEARN from him. How often do we get some crazy, exciting, can't-sit-still-or-I-may-pee-my-pants idea and act on it too soon. OR...suffocate something that is good because we got impatient in the wait (ouch!). We are not God...I repeat, we are not God. Is Christ in us, YES, but sometimes we think we know more about the way the world should run than God does. That is just silly but I do it all the time.

So, if being a disciple of Christ is sitting still long enough to listen and learn from the GREAT teacher, then when does action come into play?

The great commission, which I spoke on in my last entry, is to go and make disciples of all the nations. There is indeed action in that. We are not called to just sit at the feet of Christ and never get up to go out and spread the good news of what we were taught. But the key is to learn FIRST. When Jesus gave the great commission to his disciples, what happened before that? They had spent three years LEARNING from him. Now, I am not saying you need to spend three years before you ever go out and do anything for Christ again, but, I am saying that we are INEFFECTIVE in being disciples of Christ if we NEVER sit at his feet and learn from him so that we can be sent out!

In Young Life we have something called Campaigner's. This is a time for the high school and middle school girl's (separately) to get together with their Young Life leader's and study the bible. We talk about life, God and how the two collide. We dissect scripture. We pray together. We laugh a lot. We learn together what it means to be a disciple of Christ. Why? Not only so we can grow in our faith, but so we can go out and tell other's about this love we have found in Him.

I love that I get to tell lost kids about Christ. I love getting to see those kids come to know Him. I love getting to love those kids who still don't know Him. I am passionate about this. But I am called, to make disciples. I cannot just TELL kids about Christ, I need to show them what it looks like to follow him too and to show them the greatest example of it through encouraging them to look at him, Jesus.

So being a disciple of Christ is submitting to his teaching, sitting at his feet to learn and then taking what he has taught us and going and living it out!

I could work for Young Life, see tons of results and "do" a ton, but I will eventually burn out and become ineffective if I don't take the time to stop and learn from him.

I am giving you permission to STOP, rest and learn from him so that you can be the BEST of what he created you for. There will be seasons of feeling useless but trust me...in those "hidden" seasons, you are learning far more that you realize now for those season where you are called to "go out." I wish I would of known this before I started in this ministry....a lot of horrible moments of burn-out could of been avoided :).

So, take courage in knowing that whether you are feeling most effective in what God has called you to or you are in a "waiting" room for what's next, he is preparing you. He is beckoning you to come and sit at his feet (just like Mary) and learn. There is no sweeter place to be then at HIS feet (and his feet DON'T smell...b/c I hate feet and that would just be horrible ;) ).

Life Unhidden.

"The true test of a saint’s life is not successfulness but faithfulness on the human level of life. We tend to set up success in Christian work as our purpose, but our purpose should be to display the glory of God in human life, to live a life “hidden with Christ in God” in our everyday human conditions" -Oswald Chambers


Life has been quite interesting lately. In the midst of change, I have found a whole new perspective on what it means to be a child of God. My church, Door of Hope has been going through the Beatitudes for the past 5 weeks and it has wrecked my view on what we are REALLY called to live like. I know I will probably write a VERY LONG blog post on all I have learned from this, so stayed tuned.


I have had a lot of time to reflect lately on life. I have realized just how much I strive for successfulness  even if that means I abandon faithfulness. Now this sounds horrible and it is! Working for a non-profit Christian organization, I think that my purpose is to be SO successful at my job because IT'S FOR THE KINGDOM! So, if I can get 200 kids to Young Life club and disciple 100 and send 1,000 kids to camp from my area each year, then I have SUCCEEDED! Wrong.


Truth is....this is not the point of why the Lord has called me to this. When I felt the Lord calling me to go on Young Life staff, there was no voice saying, "And I need you to be the most successful person at this in the world by getting a ton of kids to club and camp." No. The calling was the same as yours. "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,  and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:19


 So if this is what we are called to, why do we make it so formulated? And how do we measure success?


My guess is that we make things formulated because of longing for control. We want control because then we will always know the outcome. So if I build a formula of what I believe will make me successful in life (for the KINGDOM..ha.) then I can ensure that I will never fail. Oh, but what an endless and losing battle this will be. Success is not measured by any gauge we use. Success is, in reality, faithfulness to living a life hidden with Christ in God. Jesus lived 30 years in obscurity, hidden in God. Although we know little about those years of his life, I know he did not spend it thinking about anything but his Father's call. He was not concerned with success as the world had measured it. Success was remaining in unwavering and close relationship with the Father. He was about his Father's business, not the world's.


But we don't just struggle with this in a job....we struggle this in how other's see us.


I have felt weighed down and broken in the past couple months and at some point I realized that I did not believe I had anything to offer because of it. How can I be successful AND broken? How can someone love me when I am broken. Those two don't go hand and hand. Yet, I have seen the Lord work through me in the midst my brokenness more in the last month, then I have EVER seen him work in my life. I have pressed in and hard to him, I have wept more tears than I knew existed in the human body and have felt his presence covering me constantly. I am dependent. I literally cannot make it without Him. I was scared at first for my Young Life girls to see me like this. I am the leader. I need to be strong for them. Yet, I can not fake it. I am undone. 


The miracle of it all is that never in all the years of doing Young Life have I had girls want to meet with me more. I asked one of them yesterday, "why do you still want to hang with me, when I am so sad?" She said, "Because it is comforting to know you bleed too. I want to be around someone who not only loves God as passionately as you do, but who is honest that life is hard sometimes and we just need to be real with that." You see my friends, THIS IS IT. We think we are safe behind our masks. We think we can survive this life by not dealing with our hurt and pain. We think we can just stuff it and move on. Yet, is that living a life hidden in Christ with God in our everyday human condition? No. Gosh, the destruction I have witnessed in lives around me, people I love SO deeply and even in my own life because of this very issue. We are called to live life in Christ, UNHIDDEN before him, yet our lives hidden IN him. The only road to healing is life in Christ and surrender in that. Life with the mask off, totally living as we are. 


So...if you are broken-hearted, be broken-hearted in a life hidden in Christ. If you are ashamed, know the blood of Christ has covered a multitude of sin and go to him with all of it and rest in a life hidden in him. Even if life is sweet for you, the sweetness comes from Christ and a life hidden in him. Don't hide from your pain, don't hide from difficulty, don't hide from being as you are right now. Walk through it with faithfulness in trusting that ONLY through a life hidden in Christ will healing come. HEALING WILL COME, you saint!


There is hope too in this. When I find myself doubting the healing that can come in my life or in someone's life whom I love, I remember this truth. We CANNOT be hidden in Christ and NOT be healed by him too. Healing is happening and that brings so much hope to my heart. We are not stuck in our current condition because Christ is setting us free daily and renewing us daily, so much so that one day we will look back on these days and smile at HIS faithfulness in our lives. Even if at times we are "faithless, HE WILL remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself."


This is good news.

Jesus Calling

That is the name of the devotional that my boss gave all of us Young Life staffer's for Christmas this year. I spoke about it in my last entry. Upon receiving it, a lot of us were thinking, "oh great, just what we need...another devotional." That is meant to sound ungrateful, I am so grateful, but working in a Christian non-profit company, this is the most common gift you are given....and you have a book shelf FULL of them. YET, this devotional is LIKE NO OTHER. I opened it on a day this past December, in which I was feeling VERY attacked and wanting to throw in the towel with not only Young Life but living in the Northwest. The entire devotional is written from the perspective of Jesus speaking directly to us...a love letter. The entry for that day said this:
"Don't be surprised by the fiery attacks on your mind.When you struggle to find Me and to live in My Peace, don't let discouragement set in. You are engaged in a massive warfare, spiritually speaking. The evil one abhors your closeness to Me, and his demonic underlings are determined to destroy our intimacy. When you find yourself in the thick of battle call upon My Name, "Jesus, help me!" At that instant, the battle becomes Mine; your role is simply to trust Me as I fight for you."

I could sense God's presence in that moment telling me to "LET GO!" Surrender is a word thrown around a lot in Christian culture but I have come to find that it is something many of us have no clue how to do. Surrender, in my opinion, is the emptying of ourselves to the point that we have nothing left to give or hold on to. It is almost of state of complete desperation sometimes. Surrender in that season of life was me crying out to God with tears flowing constantly, everyday for 3 weeks. It was the moments of saying I can't hold on tight to this anymore and literally giving up. That is the moment this devotional was referring to. "JESUS, HELP ME!" moment. It was hard to utter those words because I thought I had the ability to fix everything....but I didn't. I felt in those days, the battle becoming not mine. Literally. Every morning I woke up knowing God was working...something I had not felt in a long time.

I have had a lot of conversations lately with dear friends and Young Life girls about this very topic...surrender. They spill their hearts to me about what they are feeling anxious about or where in their life they don't feel like God is at work. I know exactly what they are feeling, yet I also know what they are not doing....surrendering. It's like God is moving forward in all of these area's of their lives, area's that they have cried out to God about for years, area's where they feel healing will never come, area's where they feel God has placed a vision in their hearts and they long to see it come to fruition....all of these area's God is surpassing their expectations and victory and freedom have happened, yet their lens is on foggy. Because they are so consumed with what they are pleading to God for, they are missing out on what he has already done in the other places of their life. They are missing out on the very proof that HE IS SURE to come to our rescue and give his kids GREAT gifts.

Our lens is on our present suffering. If we would only surrender and move the lens to what he has already done, we would see victory in that area. It's like a kid wanting a chocolate bar but not realizing he is in a candy store and there is a ton of candy all around him. God is at work on our behalf but he wants us to let go of whatever is making our knuckles turn white, so that he can move in that area.

Maybe that area is God bringing you a wife or husband. Maybe that area is the vision you feel he has given you for your future career but you are stuck at a coffee shop working. Maybe that area is wanting to be healed from your past. The list continues....

But, have you surrendered it? I am not talking about saying "I surrender this" but I am talking about literally getting on your knee's and emptying yourself. I know from the past months and really the entire life I have lived that I have filled with requests to God, that it is really hard to hear God or see him work with you have ear plugs in and a blind-fold on.

I am telling you friends, he is GOOD. He works on our behalf constantly. I have had a REALLY crappy week, yet I have seen the evidence of him being at work on my behalf without any contribution from me. He wants to bless you, but you got to give him all your cares and concerns, anxious thoughts and past mistakes, and empty them at his feet.

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31

What a promise we have! I am thankful to know we serve a God who LOVE us enough to put up with our ridiculous doubting and bratty ways. Sometimes I wonder how much God is laughing at how oblivious I can be to what he has ALREADY done.

Just know, YOU are not alone and I am right there with you. It's a process...but I am learning that surrender is oh so sweet to our precious Lord!

Refreshment

No, I am not talking about water when I say the word "refreshment", although I do need to drink more water. I am simply speaking of what the Lord has done in my heart in the past month.

September, October and November were three of the hardest months of my time out here in the NW. I have never wanted to quit Young Life, pack up all my stuff and go home to Florida more than I did in those months. I wanted to bail out on everything, even if that was disobedient to what I knew God had called me to. Leaders were quiting, kids were just down right pissing me off and being so flakey and most of all....I was so tired of being alone in this. Not only was I emotionally exhausted from pouring and pouring into others but I was coming home to leaders for whom I felt like I had to be strong for (even though they never were expecting that). I wanted to share my life with someone, yet the Lord put me right SMACK DAB in the middle of a small town with NO one my age as far as the male gender was concerned. AND, as many of you know, for me to have a longing for my husband was weird because I had been really satisfied with being alone. But now, the desire was BURNING and I was fully convinced I would NEVER meet someone and was destined to be alone. I wanted my husband and felt the Lord had abandoned me.

Yet, in the midst of all of that, my time with the Lord was sweeter than ever. That may sound like such a contradiction to what I just said, but it's true. Every day, I woke up, fixed my coffee, shuffled myself to my couch and opened my bible. A lot of the time I would be crying to him, sometimes yelling, other times apologizing for my lack of faith. Nonetheless, I was with him and him with me. I knew he was there and he was the ONLY one helping me get out of bed everyday.

I recently moved into a place to live by myself. Not my choice, yet due to circumstances of all my roommates moving out, it was seemingly exactly what the Lord had for me. I was super resistent to this move because I thought, "Lord, I have told you I am sick of being alone and yet what do you do?!?! You FREAKING stick me in a situation where I am forced to yet again, be ALONE!" I searched for weeks for a place to live. Every one bedroom place was far too expensive for my little Young Life salary. I was stuck. I could not afford to live alone, yet there was no one to live with. I was humbled by this situation, yet the Lord knew what he was doing. I have an amazing team of adults who support me in my Young Life area. One of the couples on this team offered to pay for the majority of my rent! I was in shock! Not only that, but we found a place that is 1200 sq. feet and cost less to live in than a one bedroom apartment! So I moved into a 1200 sq feet, 2 bedroom house....all to myself. So far, living alone is not so bad...mostly because I am not one to lock myself in my house and I must say, living alone has forced me to be social and see my Portland friends again. Funny...something I was praying for in my last blog entry!

Yet, situations had not changed in my area. I was still tired, still alone and still wanting to peace out. I think I cried everyday for three weeks in November. On top of all of this, I was asked to speak at two Young Life camps, in which in my craziness, I agreed to. What I saw the Lord do in and through me during those two occassions is enough for another blog entry, but what I will say is that I watched the Lord take me, broken, exhausted and feeling like I had nothing to offer anyone and used me to bring the BEST news ever! The news of Jesus Christ, what he came to do, why he came to do it and what that means for us, the message of the cross and how we don't have a dead Jesus but a living savior....yes THAT news He brought to a bunch of high school kids in a way that I have never seen before. It was an out of body experience to know my state and yet watch how the Lord just disregarded it in helping me speak. I was literally crying my eyes out and throwing up in the bathroom from anxiety and 10 minutes later getting up to give a talk with so much joy and enthusiasm that no one would of believed what I looked like 10 minutes before that. The second speaking engagement was a bit different. I was in a much better place and was with some of my favorite high school girls in my life right now. Yet, still I watched the Lord once again, take all I thought I had to say, throw it out the window and say something completely different. It was awesome!

Early December I was having a REALLY bum day. It seemed everything was going wrong. I was trying so hard to keep my eyes on what is above than on current circumstances, but this day it seemed impossible. But you know what? The Lord loves me. He really does. He really loves you too and I am so thankful that he hears the cry of our hearts and speaks directly to them. It was almost like he was saying, "Ok Erin, no more crying....it's time for me to bless you and show you even more of my faithfulness."

Three blessings in my life, 1 person in my present and 1 from my past, and a devotional given to me by my boss, all experienced that day to tell me God had put me on their heart and needed to tell me about what he was revealing to them. If that is not encouraging enough, all three said the SAME THING. That was this..."The Lord is refining you more than ever right now to prepare you for something BRAND NEW that you have never experienced. This refinement is going to blow the socks off of what you have known of God thus far. You are about to enter into a new intimacy with him, uncharted waters and what he has for you just around the bend is going to bless you much more than what your longing heart has been crying out for." I was floored. It was exactly what I needed to hear and gave me so much hope. I literally woke up the next day with so much excitement for life, joy restored and REFRESHED. It was only the beginning.

The month of December has proved this prophetic word to be true. I can't begin to explain how blessed I feel right now and each day the Lord is revealing more and more of his faithfulness to me. I am walking with a new swag (haha). I look forward to waking up each day and have such a hopeful anticipation of what's to come! Yes, some day's are still challenging, but I am clinging to the promises he has made more than what is attempting to block my vision.

So, GOODBYE Fall and HELLO winter....a new season of life!!!! I am so excited for what's to come!

Hope this offered some sort of encouragement to you. If you feel like the Lord has forgotten you, HE HAS NOT! Take it from me, I know how you feel but I also can attest to how much he really does love us. So, drink him up right now and enjoy his refreshment :).

love.
E

changes....

Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

Every Season, Nichole Nordeman

Don't have a lot of time to write tonight, so more on why I posted this later...let's just say for now that there is LOTS of change happening and I am holding on tight. All I hear is Jesus asking, "Do you trust me?"

It's Been Awhile...

Blogging for me is really hard. This past year an a half has been busier, crazier and just down right insane, more than ever in my life. Don't get me wrong...I LOVE what the Lord has called me to, but I never anticipated this would be what life would look like.

I realize I have many friend across the country who want to know what is going on in the life of Erin and to be honest, I can't be consistent in calling everyone I love as often as I would like to think I can. So...I guess blogging is going to be the best way to keep people caught up on my life.

Multiple people have emailed recently, asking me why I don't blog anymore. That cracks me up because most of this is just me babbling, but if anyone cares to hear the babble, then read on!

So I live in Portland now...well actually Camas, WA, which is about 15-20 minutes outside of Portland. I am on Young Life staff, acting as the Area Director which means I oversee the ministry of Young Life in this community, which is 3 high schools and 5 middle schools. I seriously love what God has called me to and can not imagine a more perfect fit for me.

I am not going to lie....it's REALLY exhausting and I am learning a lot about what it means to take time of solitude. I am not good at that. I don't know many people in ministry who are...but that is NO excuse. For me to think it is even remotely possible to give and pour my life out to others and not have time to sit, be still and be re-fuel is PSYCHO...yet I don't make time for this.

It is hard living so far from my family. I am originally from Florida and I really miss them. Therefore, I am also learning how to be confident in what God has called me to and find rest in that. I love living the Northwest, but sometimes I wish Portland and Florida were next door to each other....or that my family would move here....or maybe not b/c of the rain out here and I know that my family could not live without sunshine (and the warm ocean).

I love my friendships out here. Although I feel lonely a lot because of how busy I am and having a lack of time for my friends, I realize the value in them and I am hoping to get better at time not only time of solitude, but time for fun too! I do miss my friendships from my past and thank you Jesus that I still talk to most of them, for NO ONE can replace them, but I am thankful that God has given me sweet friendships out here. I am still longing for more "iron" friendships but I know those come with time.

I have a couple incredible mentors out here. This is something that I thank the Lord for everyday. I would not of survived my first year on YL staff without these amazing men and women pouring into my life. I could write a book at what I have learned from them and I am sure you will get glimpses of there wisdom as I will most likely be quoting them quite a bit on this blog. That's what happens when you have people kicking your butt. It is sharpening me into more and more of the woman God has called me to be.

I am learning a lot right now about the difference in pleasing God and trusting God. I tend to try and please God a lot more than I choose to trust him. The bad news with this is that any type of "pleasing" I try to bring requires not trust. God is showing me that through trusting him, the overflow of my heart is what ultimately pleases him. More on this in another entry soon to come.

Welp, that's all I got. I love you, whomever you are reading this and sorry if I never answer your calls. It has no reflection on my love for you or your value to me....I am just plain insane and trying to find time to answer my phone. It will happen soon enough.

thanks for caring enough to read this babble. :)
-E

Here I go again on my own. well kinda.

3 days. WOW-WEE! Can't believe it! Saying my goodbyes to friends, YL girls, church and my job has been REALLY tough. This move is not like leaving Nashville. It is wayyyy more bittersweet in the fact that I am leaving during a time that I felt completely comfortable here. I could not say that about Nashville and I think that was only because the Lord was having to leave me uncomfortable there to get me away....to prepare me for this....love high school kids and pour into their lives with my whole life.


The Lord has done so much in my heart to prepare me this this move! I am floored by the peace and confidence I have in walking this direction. It is sooooo sweet to see him speak so clearly to me this time around. I didn't hear that voice so clearly when I moved to CO....and I know that was God testing my trust....especially when none of the details were worked out. I guess this is his way of blessing my obedience by making this move so much easier as far a logistics go.

Man, my time here has been blessed and was not in vain or an accident. Although I was only here a year and a half, I know I have made an impact here and my life has been seriously changed, for I am not the woman I was when I arrived. The depth of friendships I have found here took 6 years to gain in Nashville. I am soooooooooo humbled by the fact that I have some of the most incredible and beautiful people I know now walking alongside me through life. My community will be dearly missed.

My church body in Denver, BLOOM church, has blessed me the most. I will miss being part of such a genuine and creative community of broken Christ followers. The vision and heart of Bloom is one of the most beautiful movements I have ever been a part of. Check out my church at www.bloomworship.com. I believe God will provide new community for me in Portland that will be amazing, but man, I will miss BLOOM (Steph, Brad "Buttface" Waller, Cyd-bird, Stamps, Bre and Jamie)...and the Gungors!!!!! ( I love you Lisa and Michael)!!!

So....we (KK, Kyle and I) leave on Saturday early morning!! It will be so fun to have two of my best friends drive out there with me....and then Kyle moves to Portland a month later! Yay! Thank you for all your support, encouragement and prayers during this transition. I have loved getting so many emails for you and am honored to walk through life with you!

I will keep you updated on the move...but for now I must get back to work...I have so much to do in the next 3 days!

love.to.you.all.
ERNIE